you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
