i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
