Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
