nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
