Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
