Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
