Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
accomplished twins. life is a go
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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