every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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