We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
