Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
