she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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