It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
