I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
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I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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