So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
