Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
