The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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