yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
