Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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