I heard we made out
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
