If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
