dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
