oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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