do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
