Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
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using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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