my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
