You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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