Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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