I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
