You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
