uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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