For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
