OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
