Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
