Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
