if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
