i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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