I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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