margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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