she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
