We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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