according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
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I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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