I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
whose parrot is this?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
