his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
