I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
