when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
