Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
