id be glad to
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
