hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
