So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
