where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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