And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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