I bet he comes in French.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Im part way to drunk.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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