I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All the doctor said was why
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
