im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
