How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
