just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
