Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
