he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
