There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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