Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
