Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
