i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
