after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
