We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
