Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
