her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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