I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
