I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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