Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
