just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
