Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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