She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
