The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
